she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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