I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
