good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
