We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my poor anus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize