Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize