Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
