My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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