I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Someone signed my nipple.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
