I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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