I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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