he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
