I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
