I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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