thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
