Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
not ubering you a puppy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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