omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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