if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
