Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
