We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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