My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
