Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
