I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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