I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
