Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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