Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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