Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
