I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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