My boss' voice literally gives me gas
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
