In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
