So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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