yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
