I should be sponsored by Trojan
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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