i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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