They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
