i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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