I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
