So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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