not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
