I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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