i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
