Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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