i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
