i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
