pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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