Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
