when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
