sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
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i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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