i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
