I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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