How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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