"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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