Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
