I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why do cheetos always look like penises
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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