Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
