She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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