You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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