Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
