Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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