you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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